Strange Women Lying in Ponds Distributing Swords is no Basis for a System of Government

The Democrats are so full of hype, hyperbole and conflation (some would say total and utter bullsh*t) that is difficult to read most headlines without either laughing or simply feeling sorry for these pathetic souls as they run from point to point yelling, “Squirrel! Look! A squirrel!” Just look at some of the recent headlines:

Daily Mail: Female author compares Ann Romney’s views of motherhood to Hitler and Stalin on TV chat show

NewsBusters: WashPost ‘On Faith’ Editor: If You Oppose Same-Sex Marriage, You’re Like Those Who Stood in the ‘Schoolhouse Door’

Moveon.org: Top 10 Shocking Attacks from the GOP’s War on Women

Mediaite: Wasserman Schultz: Gay Marriage Is ‘The Civil Rights Issue Of Our Generation’

New York Post: Newsweek declares O ‘The First Gay President’ in controversial cover

Washington Post: Barack Obama, the first female president

I’m sure there are more – if you want, post them in the comments and I will update this post with them.

It has finally reached a point that it is very, vary hard to take them seriously. You want to look them in the eyes and ask – “Did you even hear what just came out of your mouth? How can you be alive when you are clearly too daft to remember to breathe?” I used to get mad at them until I finally realized that most are too thick to get out of the rain.

Every time I stuff like these, this is what I think of:

[clop clop]

ARTHUR: Old woman!

DENNIS: Man!

ARTHUR: Old Man, sorry. What knight live in that castle over there?

DENNIS: I’m thirty seven.

ARTHUR: What?

DENNIS: I’m thirty seven — I’m not old!

ARTHUR: Well, I can’t just call you `Man’.

DENNIS: Well, you could say `Dennis’.

ARTHUR: Well, I didn’t know you were called `Dennis.’

DENNIS: Well, you didn’t bother to find out, did you?

ARTHUR: I did say sorry about the `old woman,’ but from the behind you looked–

DENNIS: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior!

ARTHUR: Well, I AM king…

DENNIS: Oh king, eh, very nice. An’ how’d you get that, eh? By exploitin’ the workers — by ‘angin’ on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic an’ social differences in our society! If there’s ever going to be any progress–

WOMAN: Dennis, there’s some lovely filth down here. Oh — how d’you do?

ARTHUR: How do you do, good lady. I am Arthur, King of the Britons.

Who’s castle is that?

WOMAN: King of the who?

ARTHUR: The Britons.

WOMAN: Who are the Britons?

ARTHUR: Well, we all are. we’re all Britons and I am your king.

WOMAN: I didn’t know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.

DENNIS: You’re fooling yourself. We’re living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes–

WOMAN: Oh there you go, bringing class into it again.

DENNIS: That’s what it’s all about if only people would–

ARTHUR: Please, please good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?

WOMAN: No one live there.

ARTHUR: Then who is your lord?

WOMAN: We don’t have a lord.

ARTHUR: What?

DENNIS: I told you. We’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.

ARTHUR: Yes.

DENNIS: But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting.

ARTHUR: Yes, I see.

DENNIS: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,–

ARTHUR: Be quiet!

DENNIS: –but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more–

ARTHUR: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!

WOMAN: Order, eh — who does he think he is?

ARTHUR: I am your king!

WOMAN: Well, I didn’t vote for you.

ARTHUR: You don’t vote for kings.

WOMAN: Well, ‘ow did you become king then?

[angels sing]

ARTHUR: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur.

[singing stops]

That is why I am your king!

DENNIS: Listen — strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

ARTHUR: Be quiet!

DENNIS: Well you can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just ’cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!

ARTHUR: Shut up!

DENNIS: I mean, if I went around sayin’ I was an empereror just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they’d put me away!

ARTHUR: Shut up! Will you shut up!

DENNIS: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.

ARTHUR: Shut up!

DENNIS: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system!

HELP! HELP! I’m being repressed!

ARTHUR: Bloody peasant!

DENNIS: Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that, did you hear that, eh? That’s what I’m on about — did you see him repressing me, you saw it didn’t you?

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