Let’s Write A Play !

So I read Vikram’s play and I’ve read two of Greg’s. This got me thinking (never a good thing)…. I started writing a play a while back ago but let it go dormant. I tell you I could use some help. You boys are the funniest and most intelligent bloggers out there and I say that with the utmost respect and honesty…… (also for the sole purpose of attaining the majority of the royalties). Just kidding….kinda….  So what say we write a play together? Hopefully. V. won’t steal our ideas  ( I’m funnin you, V. ….kinda… ) Then again, V. may have a sense of humour. I dig comedies and this is the direction I’ve taken with this….hmmmm….. Anyhow, this could be fun…

Say; if anyone else want to join in, I promise I won’t bite. In fact, I’ll defend you if someone does (tries to bite you, that is….unless you want them to, in which case you can just tell me to back off…..we can have a cue like, I don’t know, um, ZOMBIE LOVE?) In addition to my wicked temper and a bit of a potty mouth at times, (which seems to have not been cured by all the soap) I’m also very friendly and can sing to you in several different languages.
So, c’mon! Jump in!

If you boys are game, I’ll give you the premise of the “meat” of the play. We can take it from there…..

16 thoughts on “Let’s Write A Play !

  1. Gosh that sounds comforting. You can be my first date…. Let me back up. In the following scenes,(which you boys will supply) the premise is that a successful dating company has decided to reward their success and take a well-deserved break. Unfortunately, there has been a mishap in their absence. The dates were inadvertantly mixed up (stupid servants!). So now the proctologist has been set up with the big-boobed ditzy blond instead of the lawyer. He is under the impression that she is a lawyer and she is under the impression that he is a photogragher…. I’ll call her Candy. You may name your doc.

    (In a dimly lit restaurant, doc. checks his watch. As he is about to lose his patience, in walks a hot tamale……could THIS be his lawyer? She is directed to his table by the stupid servant)

    Candy: (bending over for a cheek kiss and completely unaware that her assets are stuffed in his face) I’m so sorry I’m late! I got lost. The dating service told me that you’d be wearing red, so I’m glad I found you. I’m a little color blind, so I did have to ask for directions. IS that red you’re wearing? Nevermind. How is it that a dating service can give me exact directions to find you and those bozos on the side of the road had me heading into….. God knows where? HEL-LO! I was half-way to the other side of the state! How hard can it be for someone to just tell someone else to LOOK for the McDonald’s sign and TURN! Right? Agreed? Agreed. Yes, THANK YOU!.
    (shoves hand out; other hand eats breadstick) Oh!….I’m Candy.

  2. Dr. “Fingers” Malloy: (Quickly covering his asset with a napkin in his lap hastily makes an excuse for why he remains seated.) Pleased to meet you Candy. Better late than never I always say. Excuse my rudeness for remaining seated, but I hurt my back playing a set of tennis this morning. May I order you a drink?

  3. I have to leave for rehearsals soon…..Surely one of you boys can be my proctologist? (since M. seems to be quite intimidated by Candy) You know, M., you can’t go wrong with the name Dr. Finger. Who doesn’t love him?

  4. Guy read my mind. Weird.

    Candy: You read my mind. I’ll have whatever you’re having! I was hoping you could shoot me, but I don’t even know your name.

  5. Hey, what other name would you give a Proctologist. 😉

    Dr. Fingers: Shoot you my dear? Why in heavens name would I do that? I’m drinking Long Island Iced Tea. Waiter…two more of the same please. You can call me Mickey. So, tell me a little about yourself Candy.

  6. Candy: Well, I’m in the latest Girls Gone Wild video AND I got the cover of Foot Fetish magazine! (digs through her over-large bag) at least, um, my feet are. See? See? (shows mag)Those are MY feet! They’re very unique because of that sixth toe on my left foot. Wanna see? I’ll PROVE it! (proceeds to remove heel and sticks foot on table) See?? See?? (forces his face in her foot) Pretty cool, huh? Don’t see that everyday, do ya? Huh? Huh?(proceeds to put heel back on) I bet you’re having second thoughts NOW about not wanting to shoot me!

    (waiter enters with drinks)

    • Dr. Fingers: (Surprised and somewhat taken aback by the smelly foot stuck in his face, accidentally swallows the lemon slice from his drink and thinks to himself…yep, should have brought my S&W 9 MM with me.) Hmmm, that sixth toe is an oddity for sure. Which Girls Gone Wild are you in. I’ve got almost the entire collection and I don’t remember seeing you in any of them. So what school did you go to?

  7. Candy: (guzzles drink during Doc’s line) Wow! That was the biggest shot I ever had! (burps)
    Scuse me. Yeah, I was in the Girls Gone Wild Special Edition. You have to be a member of the Joe Francis Fan Club to get that copy. I REALLY helped that man out! You definitely need to join up just so you can see my “smell” scene. I basically just rub a scent on my bazookas and see if the guys can figure it out. Here, try! TRY! (she obnoxiously rubs her boobs in his face) See? SEE? What is that smell? Huh? HUH? You only get two tries! (sits back down) I thought it was very cool and very creative. Joe was VERY impressed. It’s probably because I AM well-educated. HELLO! So, are you well-educated, Mickey?

    • The waiter leers at this display as he walks up to take their order.

      Waiter: Pardon me Sir, Miss, may I take your order now. (The waiter’s eyes are locked on the front of Candy’s blouse willing the buttons to pop.)

      Dr. Fingers: Mmmmmph ( breathes through his nose because his mouth is full of fabric covered breast. He gently pushes her back so he can breath again and immediately goes into a fit of sneezing.) I don’t know…Achoooo…’scuse me…but whatever it is, I seem to be allergic…achooo…’scuse me again. I don’t know what’s come…achoooo…over me…’scuse me again. ( Wonders how he can extricate himself from the date gracefully without hurting the girl’s feelings. After he get’s over his bout of sneezing, Mickey answers her question.) I went to Clemson University, then after that, I was excepted to Harvard Medical School. I’m a doctor, you see. So, you didn’t answer my question- where did you go to school Candy?

      P.S. I don’t know if I can carry two parts, but I’ll try. 😉

  8. Loud drunk at next table: {looking at Candy’s puppies as they struggle to free themselves of restraint. Yells at the waiter} I’ll have what he’s having!

    {Patrons waiting for tables suddenly burst into song}

    They look great, they don’t droop
    They stand out in pictures single or group
    round and firm and fully packed
    you could say the gal is well-sta-a-acked!

    Through the storms, through the hail
    I’m sure to follow that treasure trail….

    Director: Stop! Tell Cobb that this is NOT a musical

    • Waiter: ( Trying to get things under control, rushes to the drunk patron and shushes him.) Sir, you’ll have to wait your turn and please be quiet or I’ll have you thrown out of here. In fact Sir, I think you’ve had too much to drink. Let me bring you a cup of coffee.

      Dr. Fingers: ( Embarrassed by all the attention his date is receiving, he hides his face behind the menu and mutters to himself.) Why didn’t I take Mother’s advise and go to her Church’s singles group.

  9. Candy: I LOVE that song! (stands and sings a la Ethel Merman and works the room) With a knick-knack paddy-whack give a dog a bone! This old man came ROL-LING home! (laughing and applauding herself) Gosh that was FUN! Wasn’t that fun, Mickey? And you would know all about fun cause you’ve just said you’re a doctor. A doctor…..a doctor….. A doctor? (Candy is momentarily stumped) You’re a doctor of photograghy?

  10. So, uh Candy, tell me. Do you handle your own briefs, or do you have an assistant or two upon whom you can call when pressed for time?

    I Beg you pardon

    What I mean is, as an active participant in the legal system…

    I see you’ve done YOUR homework, Mr…Camera guy! One arrest that’s all. And I was NOT soliciting. Besides, it was the cop’s idea, it sounded kinky and…

    You, You’re NOT a lawyer? I know of a certain Romantic Mergers, Inc, that will be returning my fee. To think I would find common ground with a courtesan of questionable character.

    Likewise. I wanted a cameraman, I need modeling shots for my portfolio

    We need to march down to that office set things right.

    Candy:{getting up, as does Fingers} I’m witcha. Let’s go! {They walk towards the front door} So, what kinda asshole doctor arya anyway?

  11. Dr. Fingers: I’m a proctologist.

    Candy: Well, you won’t need to worry about me coming to see you! I’ve got 20/20 vision!

    Thus ends the first date. I’ll have to start a new thread for date 2. There are 4 dates in all and the opening prefaces their occupations, &c. Now I don’t know if I should follow it up with the lawyer and photogragher or skip to my Christian and Jew…….

    G. – I tried to e-mail you, but I think I remembered it wrong. I left a message at Xanga…. just seeing if you want to see my girlfriend’s show on Fri.

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