All right, Utah, you win; Muslims can’t be trusted, they have a history of violence, and they hate us for our freedoms.
Since you are silent, agape at my capitulation, allow me to speak for you.
What do we do with these odious America-haters in our midst? Make them renounce their religion? Well, the Quran says they can lie about being Muslim, that’s a fact, so that does no good. Same with loyalty oaths. The fact that many are American citizens calls for extra-Constitutional measures to deal with this menace.
So, we cannot trust them, therefore, we we have to keep an eye on them. One suggestion is that muslims be required to wear crescent-bearing armbands, any color will do(hey, this is America, we are all about freedom). No one with an armband could enter a military base, buy a gun, or purchase fertilizer. Or shoes.
But armbands can slip off easily enough, when one of the maybe-terrorists wants to blend in with a crowd of Real Americans. So how about placing microchips under the skin of every Muslim or suspected Muslim, so we know where they are at all times? It could become a rite of passage for young Muslims to have the implant done at age 18, like going to the selective service office when we were young, and the Asian dominoes were the subject of that generation’s B’s and U’s.
Implants can be removed, however, Their signal can be blocked.
So what do we do? We have to do something, before the Muslims rise up in unison on a signal from Iran, and run around screaming Ali Akhbar! as they cut us down with their box cutters and shoe bombers blow up our fast-food emporiums. Once they’ve started changing the names of our sports teams, it’s too late to re-cork the Djinn. A final solution must be found before the Super Bowl becomes a battle between the Detroit Scimitars and the Denver Caliphates. Before New York is re-named New Cordoba. Before the Imam takes your toddler to be his lawful wedded wife.
Hmm, did someone say final solution?