A Day in the Life of . . .

Thought I’d change the subject for a minute and share a small portion of my work day with you, my friends.

Thursday – A “domestic dispute” between two inmates takes place.  Inmate A is discovered by his “girlfriend”, Inmate B to be cheating with another inmate.  Inmate B, a known homosexual, entices Inmate A to meet him with the promise of wild oral sex!  Inmate B slips into Inmate A’s dorm, and into the shower area they go.  Inmate A drops his pants in anticipation.  Inmate B whips out a razor and slices A’s scrotum to the point A’s left testicle drops through.  It takes 28 stitches to put A back together again.  Both inmates go to confinement (the box).

Saturday (today) – Inmate Dumbass has been contemplating a “penile implant” (a “pearl” as it is known on the compound) for a couple of days, now.  He has finally gotten up the nerve to attempt the procedure.  He removes the blade from his razor and makes a horizontal cut across (the width) his penis.  Problem?  Yes, my friends, he cut too deep.  Blood every where.  A trip to the hospital is required to stop the bleeding and stitch up Dumbass’s penis.  He claims he cut himself shaving and is put back in his dorm upon his return from the hospital.

Saturday (today) – Yes, today was special for some reason.  In the kitchen of the dining hall, Inmate A and Inmate B have a verbal disagreement.  Inmate A hits Inmate B over the head with a pan, then punches Inmate B in the mouth knocking out a tooth and putting 8 stitches in B’s head.  Both inmates go to the box.

Department of Corrections is hiring.  Come join the fun.

14 thoughts on “A Day in the Life of . . .

  1. It sounds like an interesting job! I’m very adept at doling out spankings to naughty boys. The problem with being a girl is that they would probably tell me that I could be the receptionist. Fools! I would have all those silly nancy boys doing whatever the hello i wanted them to do!

    I’m curious about this whole pearl thingy. If the silly boy wanted a penile implant, why the hello was he cutting his master of the house?

  2. Hmmmmm…….interesting.

    Not to rain on your (or their ) parade….and to have gender equality… I wanna hear about the gurlz next ( the Real ones)…..K.. ;- )).

    • g – Indeed. Attempts to counsel prison romances are about as successful as counseling domestic relationships out in the world, only less, besides, we are no longer allowed to “counsel” as we could in the old days. Yes, again. Dumbass and his fellow felons are allowed 1 double-edge razor a week. They discovered long ago that they can disassemble them and turn them into a variety of tools; surgical tools, weapons, etc. You should see the “slapstick” I found last week. It is a 6″ piece of plastic, likely a comb, that has 3 of the razor blades melted into it and has a wrist strap. It is made to run up and “slap” another inmate across the neck, causing maximum damage.

  3. In the spirit of sharing work experiences. I’d like to share three tales from the ER:

    Story 1

    ROS: …. any thing else bothering you?
    Elderly Patient: I’m horny all the time!
    Me: Excuse me?
    Patient: I got a supercharged sex drive!
    Me: Ain’t that a good thing at your age?
    Patient: It ain’t when you ain’t gotten any in over 4 yrs.
    Me (looking at the spouse): alrighty then, let’s just concentrate on the medical emergency at hand because the E in ER does stand for Emergency, not erotic.

    Story 2

    Wife of man whom I just removed huge chunks of cerumen from his ears: “Well, good! Now I KNOW he can’t pretend to hear me!”

    Man: “Doc, anyway you can put the wax back in? “

    Story 3

    Me: Your problems are all alcohol related. You really ought to stop drinking.

    Patient: OK, I’ll switch to Bud Light from now on.

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