I Love My Son. But He Terrifies Me.

This is from a mother who has experience and speaks with an eloquence and authority that I cannot.

Via DrewM. @AOSHQ:

She writes:

I am sharing this story because I am Adam Lanza’s mother. I am Dylan Klebold’s and Eric Harris’s mother. I am Jason Holmes’s mother. I am Jared Loughner’s mother. I am Seung-Hui Cho’s mother. And these boys—and their mothers—need help. In the wake of another horrific national tragedy, it’s easy to talk about guns. But it’s time to talk about mental illness…

In the wake of another horrific national tragedy, it’s easy to talk about guns. But it’s time to talk about mental illness.Three days before 20 year-old Adam Lanza killed his mother, then opened fire on a classroom full of Connecticut kindergartners, my 13-year old son Michael (name changed) missed his bus because he was wearing the wrong color pants.

“I can wear these pants,” he said, his tone increasingly belligerent, the black-hole pupils of his eyes swallowing the blue irises.

“They are navy blue,” I told him. “Your school’s dress code says black or khaki pants only.”

“They told me I could wear these,” he insisted. “You’re a stupid bitch. I can wear whatever pants I want to. This is America. I have rights!”

“You can’t wear whatever pants you want to,” I said, my tone affable, reasonable. “And you definitely cannot call me a stupid bitch. You’re grounded from electronics for the rest of the day. Now get in the car, and I will take you to school.”

I live with a son who is mentally ill. I love my son. But he terrifies me.

A few weeks ago, Michael pulled a knife and threatened to kill me and then himself after I asked him to return his overdue library books. His 7 and 9 year old siblings knew the safety plan—they ran to the car and locked the doors before I even asked them to. I managed to get the knife from Michael, then methodically collected all the sharp objects in the house into a single Tupperware container that now travels with me. Through it all, he continued to scream insults at me and threaten to kill or hurt me.

That conflict ended with three burly police officers and a paramedic wrestling my son onto a gurney for an expensive ambulance ride to the local emergency room. The mental hospital didn’t have any beds that day, and Michael calmed down nicely in the ER, so they sent us home with a prescription for Zyprexa and a follow-up visit with a local pediatric psychiatrist.

We still don’t know what’s wrong with Michael. Autism spectrum, ADHD, Oppositional Defiant or Intermittent Explosive Disorder have all been tossed around at various meetings with probation officers and social workers and counselors and teachers and school administrators. He’s been on a slew of antipsychotic and mood altering pharmaceuticals, a Russian novel of behavioral plans. Nothing seems to work…

To those of you who seem inclined to attack me because I couldn’t possibly know what I’m talking about, maybe you will listen to a first hand account.

4 thoughts on “I Love My Son. But He Terrifies Me.

  1. “This is America. I have rights!”

    And there you have it in 6 words. The Wilson mantra to make the children unlike their parents incarnate. Nothing is ever said about “parents rights” and in fact didn’t glorious Al Gore advise the little ones to report their parents for offenses against the precious little one’s “rights”?

  2. Thanks for direction to this article. I posted an email address for people contact for an Alternative Medical Protocol that cures paranoid schizophrenia and other chronic diseases of the nervous system. Here is the email address for Rio Norte Line readers: anngcm1@gmail.com. Oh no, I may not have time to do more political blogging, if this takes off.

    • Weird. I just e-mailed you after I noticed we posted at the same time. Hey, I’ll chalk it up to great minds thinkin alike. There’s a reason Egypt did well under Cleopatra as opposed to Morsi (when these silly boys realise that not only was she smart, but she had BOOBS, the world will be a better place.

  3. What a terribly sad post. If I remember correctly, I’m pretty sure FL cut mental-health monies.

    I still wonder if morals have any play in this. The schizophrenic man that I cared for was a strong Catholic. Is that why he was non-violent? In fact, when the voices spoke to him, he would scream, “Hell’s vipers!” It was very common for him to do so. It seems that the mentally-ill mind is so mysterious. I wonder what will be let in and what will be blocked by the person that is mentally ill. I also wonder if religion aids in mental illness.

    Root-beer girl had a very interesting take on this in another post. It boiled down to diagnosis from what I recall…… I hope A&W reads the article…..

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