The Gift of Groping

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Yesterday, I read this article that got me quite excited. Apparently, by squeezing your breasts you could prevent malignant breast cells from causing cancer. Like most women, I’m very fond of having my boobs fondled (unless it’s by some weirdo hobo or a butch TSA agent.) Also, I believe most men are more than happy to volunteer for this daunting quest.

Here is the complete article: http://news.uk.msn.com/health/squeezing-breasts-can-stop-cancer

A little squeeze may be all that it takes to prevent malignant breast cells triggering cancer, research has shown.

Laboratory experiments showed that applying physical pressure to the cells guided them back to a normal growth pattern.

The study involved growing malignant breast epithelial cells within a gel injected into flexible silicone chambers. This allowed the scientists to apply compression during the first stages of cell growth, effectively squashing the cells.

Over time, the squeezed malignant cells began to grow in a more normal and organised way.

Once the breast tissue structure was formed the cells stopped growing, even when the compressive force was removed. Non-compressed cells continued to display the haphazard and uncontrolled growth that leads to cancer.

Isn’t this great? I do believe it’s a win-win situation.

Caution, boys: Do not try this on a stranger. You are liable to wind up with a stinging slap across your face, or a swift kick in the family jewels.

 

 

27 thoughts on “The Gift of Groping

  1. OK …. OK ….Uhmm.

    Maybe I’m just your typical dumb guy …. but how does this intersect with Michael Douglas’s revelation about oral Sex and cancer ??

      • “I haven’t shown Mr. kells this piece. I think he shall be pleased. Off on a tangent, did you hear that Don lost 18 lbs. per your gentle suggestion?”

        Do you think it possible for Melfamy to lose about 80-100lbs with that suggestion? The thought of ever having to squeeze his moobs frightens me terribly. LOL 🙂

  2. “I’m very fond of having my boobs fondled (unless it’s by some weirdo hobo or a butch TSA agent.)”

    I believe that you secretly desire both, Kells. 🙂

    ::: flees :::

    • I’ve had both and have no desire for that experience ever again. You on the other hand, have squeezed many a hobo and dyke’s breast, I believe. Isn’t it part of your job description? 😉

      • “You on the other hand, have squeezed many a hobo and dyke’s breast, I believe. Isn’t it part of your job description?”

        Not in today’s litigious society where the practice of defensive medicine outweighs the need for me to perform any professional breast exams. Co-ed ERs for the win, right?

        Right. 🙂

        Edit: I could be talked very easily in to squeezing hers ….

  3. Mama’s got a squeeze box
    She wears on her chest
    And when Daddy comes home
    He never gets no rest

    ‘Cause she’s playing all night
    And the music’s all right
    Mama’s got a squeeze box
    Daddy never sleeps at night

    Well the kids don’t eat
    And the dog can’t sleep
    There’s no escape from the music
    In the whole damn street

    ‘Cause she’s playing all night
    And the music’s all right
    Mama’s got a squeeze box
    Daddy never sleeps at night

    She goes in and out and in and out and in and out and in and out

    Cause’ she’s playing all night
    And the music’s all right
    Mama’s got a squeeze box
    Daddy never sleeps at night

    She goes, squeeze me, come on and squeeze me
    Come on and tease me like you do
    I’m so in love with you
    Mama’s got a squeeze box
    Daddy never sleeps at night

    She goes in and out and in and out and in and out and in and out

    ‘Cause she’s playing all night
    And the music’s all right
    Mama’s got a squeeze box
    Daddy never sleeps at night

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