HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
1. Go to Good-Will and buy a pair of size 14-16 used men’s work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine.
3. Put four large dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Me, Junior, Donnie Ray and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo. Be back in an hour. Don’t mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don’t think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of ’em in the house. Better wait outside. Be right back.