The “Affordable Boat Act”
The U.S. government has just passed a new law called: “The affordable boat
act” declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat, by April 2014.
These “affordable” boats will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each. This
does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration
fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance or repair costs.
This law has been passed, because until now, typically only wealthy and
financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This new
laws ensures that every American can now have a “affordable” boat of their
own, because everyone is “entitled” to a new boat. If you purchase your boat
before the end of the year, you will receive 4 “free” life jackets; not
including monthly usage fees.
In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable boat, the costs of
owning a boat will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This way,
wealthy people will pay more for something that other people don’t want or
can’t afford to maintain. But to be fair, people who cant afford to maintain
their boat will be regularly fined and children (under the age of 26) can
use their parents boats to party on until they turn 27; then must purchase
their own boat.
If you already have a boat, you can keep yours (just kidding; no you can’t).
If you don’t want or don’t need a boat, you are required to buy one anyhow.
If you refuse to buy one or cant afford one, you will be regularly fined
$800 until you purchase one or face imprisonment.
Failure to use the boat will also result in fines. People living in the
desert; ghettos; inner cities or areas with no access to lakes are not
exempt. Age, motion sickness, experience, knowledge nor lack of desire are
acceptable excuses for not using your boat.
A government review board (that doesn’t know the difference between the
port, starboard or stern of a boat) will decide everything, including; when,
where, how often and for what purposes you can use your boat along with how
many people can ride your boat and determine if one is too old or healthy
enough to be able to use their boat. They will also decide if your boat has
out lived its usefulness or if you must purchase specific accessories,(like
a $500 compass) or a newer and more expensive boat.
Those that can afford yachts will be required to do so…its only fair. The
government will also decide the name for each boat. Failure to comply with
these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment.
Government officials are exempt from this new law. If they want a boat, they
and their families can obtain boats free, at the expense of tax payers.
Unions, bankers and mega companies with large political affiliations ($$$)
are also exempt.
If the government can force you to buy health care,
they can force you to buy a boat….or ANYTHING else..
Yea…it’s that stupid…