The other day I decided to try floating. No, I didn’t drop acid and start tripping; I literally floated in salt water. Isolation floating tanks have become all the rage, you see.

If you do a Google search, you may be surprised to find a floating spa near you. Don’t search as I did, because I kept getting soda shops (I think Google thought I wanted a root-beer float?) Search for floating spas.

According to the float sites, everyone will have a different experience floating. I was hoping for a profound experience. The only problem is that I was stuck naked and alone with my mind for an hour………..a very frightening and dangerous aspect that I neglected to consider…..

When I dragged my husband along, I explained to him that you float effortlessly because there’s around 900 lbs. of Epsom salt in this tub-like chamber of 8-10 inches of water that is kept at body temperature. I told him the magnesium is supposed to be really good for you, and it boasts a lot of other benefits that I couldn’t remember. (Yeah, I really sold it.)

As we were driving home, he said it was okay, but not something he would do again as he’d rather spend the money for a massage. After we got home, I overheard him tell our son it was a rip-off, and he could float in the bathtub or the pool for free. Ugh! In his defense, I didn’t have the greatest float experience. I think a lot of this has to do with me. Let me explain.

First off, you are to shower. No problem; nailed it. Next you may plug in your own music if you want. I thought if I did that I would sing along, and that could be bad as my rendition of Un Bel Di* would be mistaken for screaming in agony, and my float session would end abruptly after the police barged through the door. (Yes, I actually think these things through.) They have nature sounds and lights as an option if you want, but I thought to get the best spiritual experience, I should go with silence in the pitch dark.

Now the next issue for me is that you must float on your back. Yikes! There is only one reason that I ever tolerate being on my back, and floating isn’t it. I decided to put my hands behind my head, and this kind of helped get my mind off the whole back issue. Speaking of the mind, mine doesn’t stop. My mind is like a chatty Cathy on crack with ADD. Not good. I decided to focus on a specific thing, and this was nice. I actually started to feel as if I were swimming deep down in the ocean……

…..and just as I felt a transcendental experience coming my way, I instead felt something on my leg, and I kicked my foot spontaneously! Now my heart was racing, and I thought, what the hell? I must be imagining things. But I know for a fact that I had felt something! Then I thought; what if my mind actually procured a “mind” shark to brush up against my leg? So as I’m getting to the point of hyperventilation, my hand brushes against this floaty tube. (This is a tube they give you to support your neck if you want, and mine had fallen off the ledge.) Ah, relief! I wasn’t going crazy. I put this thing behind my neck, but it was uncomfortable, so I went back to my hands behind my neck. Then my arms started to fall asleep.

Needless to say, the hour was up before I knew it. Unlike my husband, I want to try it again. Why? Je ne sais pas. Maybe I want to have an experience. Well, a different experience. Next time, I’ll bring my floaty bath pillow for my head, and listen to nature sounds at the start to help me focus. I definitely think it’s something everyone should try……………at least once.

*Un Bel Di from Puccini’s tragedy, Madame Butterfly. This Ponselle version is translated: