Asked about her crushing and shocking loss when all the media and pollsters predicted her to win, Hillary said her loss was due to Russian hacking inspired by the YouTube video of Vladimir Putin titled, “Vladimir Putin: Muscle Man of Action” reportedly made by Coptic Christian, Nakoula Basseley Nakoula.
Speaking to her supporters in their safe spaces, the failed candidate and former Secretary of State vowed not to rest until Nakoula was in jail, saying “I had to cancel the fireworks after the election due to his irresponsible actions inciting Putin and the Russian hackers! Do you have any idea how much that cost? There’s a freakin’ deposit I’ll never get back!”
CNN interviewed Hillary supporter and Democrat operative Margot Gerster, who absolutely, totally randomly and accidentally ran into Clinton in the woods in New York for a photo op, and she stated, “This is just a couple days after what happened in Michigan, Wisconsin, Ohio and Florida when I totally randomly and accidentally ran into Clinton in the woods in New York for a photo op,” said Gerster. “I first thought I was seeing a senile Alzheimer’s victim aimlessly wandering from her care home but as I got closer, I saw it was Hillary. I gave her a hug, softly whispered supportive words like ‘I’m With Her’ in her ear and shook her hand. And she immediatley told me that ‘we are going to have the filmmaker arrested who is responsible for the death of her candidacy.’”
Mrs. Clinton said Nakoula’s disgusting video inspired a wave of Russian nationalism in a large gang of hackers who had been milling about outside the American Embassy in Moscow and these hackers immediatley went to their mom’s basements, chugged cases of Red Bull, broke out the Hot Pockets and started cyber-attacking the Democrat National Committee.
Pictures have surfaced of the hackers carrying John Podesta’s battered hard drive into Red Square in Moscow and then burning its case with cigarettes and shocking it to death with cattle prods.
Speaking with CNN’s Anderson Cooper, Christine Pelosi, Electoral College member and daughter of the mentally disturbed and highly botoxed Senate Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, said Clinton mentioned protests to her but not a video.
“She spoke to my family about how sad we should feel for the people who voted for Trump because they are uneducated, and that breeds fear, which breeds violence, and leads to a protest.”
When reached for comment, Clinton responded, “Was it because of a protest or was it because of guys out for a walk one night and decided they’d go hack the DNC? I was supposed to win and everybody knows it. What difference – at this point, what difference does it make? I deserve a do-over. We all know I’m the REAL President, dammit!”