Handicapping the Donkey Races

I thought I would try to handicap the Democrat Presidential Olympics in their current state – if the Democrats lived up to their progressive Wokeness rulebook:
 
Beto, Booker and Sanders have all announced they would select a female running mate (well, Sanders actually said “other gendered”, so we don’t really know who or what he will pick) – but isn’t that a disqualifier coming from a cis-gendered white male? Shouldn’t these candidates step aside for a woman?
 
Anyway, Booker is the only one who might get a pass because Beto and old “Three Dachas” Bernie are cis-gendered, rich, white males and as King Arthur said about the number 5, they are “right out.”
 
What about the other honkies?
 
Bland Biden is about as pasty as they come – he checks none of the boxes for wokeness. Neither do Hickenlooper, Inslee, Delaney or Weld. All white, all cis-gendered and all rich. In the annals of wokism, none are as unworthy as Emo Beto, Three Dachas Bernie, Bland Biden, Loopy Hickenlooper, Comrade Inslee, John “Who” Delaney, and CBD Oil Bill (Gary “Weed” Johnson’s running mate the last time this circus came to town).
 
Three strikes for all – white, male, and rich.
 
Then there is Pete Buttigieg, the mayor of South Bend, Indiana. Dude is gay – but also white and privileged (Harvard – BA in history and literature and as Oxford man, a Rhodes Scholar) – and that cancels out his honorable military service. I don’t know if he identifies as a top or a bottom and while his gayness gains him points over the other white candidates, he still is white.
 
Unless he does a Rachel Dolezal or Talcum X, he’s toast as well based on the Rules of Wokeness.
 
The slogan for the Donks is Democrats2020 – No White Dudes (not even a gay white dude).
 
Then you have a few male, cis-gendered racial/ethnocentric candidates.
 
Andrew Yang is out because he is rich, Ivy League privileged (Brown, Harvard Law) but blacks are on a higher rung than Asians on the Ladder of Woke, he’s done.
 
Julian Castro is also out because while Hispanics outrank Asians, they still don’t rank as high as blacks – plus, he is also a cis-gendered (as far as we know) dude. He also has an identical twin, so there would always be a fear of he and his brother doing a “Dave” and taking turns in the Oval Office.
 
For black dudes, we have Booker and Wayne Messam, the mayor of Miramar, Florida. Booker might identify differently (his imaginary friend T-Bone might have been his boyfriend) but for now, he is cis-gendered according to his beard, Rosario Dawson, and unless that changes, he is still male and as mentioned before, the Rules state he must step aside for a woman.
 
Nobody has heard from Messam since he was a third string wide receiver for Florida State back in the early 90’s but playing a cis-gendered sport like football and attending college in Florida isn’t going to help.
 
Now for the Democrat Womenses:
 
Gillibrand is so painfully white she is transparent and flops around like a fish on a hot dock.
 
Kloubachar is white, bitchy and mean.
 
Warren is a real white communist and a fake Indian.
 
Marianne Williamson is a white, new age religionist who studied theater and philosophy for two years at Pomona College in California.
 
Sounds like the cast of Mean Girls. The cast is right out.
 
That leaves Kamala “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” Harris and the K-Bar Surfer Chick Tulsi Gabbard.
 
Unlike Warren, Kamala Harris is a real Indian and a POC (Person of Color). Her parents are Jamaican and Tamil Indian – but Kamala is also Willie Brown’s crazy ex-girlfriend, sleeping her way to the top of the California government. She prosecuted people as AG for things she now supports, so even though she is a real POC, she comes off as a real POS. She’s out as well.
 
Gabbard is multi-ethnic, multicultural and multi-religious. So much multi for one woman. Her father is of Samoan and European ancestry and an active lector at his Catholic church. Her mother, who was born in Decatur, Indiana, is of German descent and a practicing Hindu. Gabbard herself chose Hinduism. She took her oath of office on the Bhagavad Gita in 2013 and describes herself as a karma yogi.
 
She is also a Major in the Army National Guard and she also seems to have a little common sense, a wish to work across the aisle and supports some policies that are almost libertarian. Gabbard is half Haight-Ashbury and half Military Industrial Complex.
 
For Democrats, that’s going to cancel out all the “multi” in her background.
 
Out of all the Dem candidates, I think Gabbard would give Trump the most trouble.
 
Conclusion:
 
By the current rules, Gabbard should be the pick for the Democrats – but she won’t be. They will pick Biden because the Democrats are just as fake as their candidates. They believe Biden has the best chance to win and while Gabbard might be his VP pick, they will go with the rich, white, establishment dude in the end.

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