Democrats Announce New Leak Investigation

π‘†π‘π‘’π‘Žπ‘˜π‘’π‘Ÿ π‘ƒπ‘’π‘™π‘œπ‘ π‘– π‘‘π‘’π‘Ÿπ‘šπ‘  π‘ π‘–π‘‘π‘’π‘Žπ‘‘π‘–π‘œπ‘› π‘£π‘’π‘Ÿπ‘¦ π‘ π‘’π‘Ÿπ‘–π‘œπ‘’π‘  π‘Žπ‘›π‘‘ π‘‘β„Žπ‘’ π‘™π‘’π‘Žπ‘˜π‘’π‘Ÿ “𝑠𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑏𝑒𝑑 π‘‘π‘’π‘Žπ‘‘π‘™π‘¦”

By: Michael Smith, Chief Political Correspondent

Washington, D.C. – Today, at a hastily called press conference outside House Hearing Room #235 and wearing a tired, constipated look, Democrats Adam Schiff, Chairman of the House Select Committee on Intelligence, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Intel Committee member Representative Eric β€œDuke Nukem” Swalwell announced there would be an investigation to ferret out a suspected leaker on the committee.

β€œSomething about this really stinks,” said Schiff. β€œSomeone has been leaking in public and even though no one admits to it, it really smells. A leak of this magnitude gives the Republicans a whiff of what our impeachment strategy is constructed.”

β€œHopefully, the threat of an investigation will tighten up a few sphincters,” added House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. β€œI from San Francisco, so I know what steaming crap smells like, and this smells just like the streets back home. We’re going to stop this so fast, it’s going to leave skid marks.”

β€œThere is an ill wind blowing and let me tell you, someone is going to get hoisted on their own petard when we catch them,” replied Schiff. β€œWe suspect it is someone who has diarrhea of the mouth and we’re aiming to get them Imodiumed up and wiped clean.”

Pelosi continued, β€œWe know someone is passing something in front of the media, we just need to sniff them out. Leaks of this nature can be silent but deadly. If they think they can get away with this, they are sadly mistaken, we’re going to check everyone down to their underwear.”

β€œWhy do you guys keep looking at me?” asked a nervous Rep. Swalwell. β€œI didn’t do it. I swear!”

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